“In life you will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But the most important are the ones who bring out the best in you, respect you and accept you for who you are. Those are the ones worth keeping around.”—(via jenini)
Last night was the first Saturday night off I’ve had in a while. As a server, weekends don’t really exist - so any time I get to have a night off on a weekend without requesting it is amazing. I had every intention of taking advantage of the night and tackling this never-ending laundry list I created for myself - but then I got home and didn’t leave my room once.
I’m generally a pretty happy person. I always try to stay positive and look on the bright side, even in the worst of situations - but last night I just really needed to be sad. I have it in my head that if I’m too happy for too long, I become unbalanced. I need a bad day every now and then to keep me from going insane. Last night, I cried for hours because I needed a bit of release. I needed to get out this bad mojo from my system so that I could go back to “normal”. Sometimes you just need to do absolutely nothing, watch a sad movie, and just fucking cry your eyes out until you can’t anymore. It’s seriously amazing what a good cry can do for one’s soul ;) ha.
I cannot wait until snow is no longer a possibility in the forecast. Although living in New England, I should probably say “I cannot wait until snow is probably most likely definitely but almost maybe not a possibility in the forecast”, because who can REALLY predict the weather here in NE? Every day is a mystery.
This winter has dragged on for far too long. I’m ready to utilize the large majority of my wardrobe (which mostly consists of dresses, skirts, and other articles that don’t require me to cover every square inch of my body) that has been forced to sit in my closet, crying, while I pay more attention to my sweaters and my pants.
Also, starting in May, I am going to have TWO DAYS OFF A WEEK. I can’t tell you the last time I had actual permanent days off. I’ve been juggling school / internships / multiple jobs for at least 4 years, so on days off from one job, I’d be at another job or school - working constantly, seven days a week. BUT NOW I HAVE A CHANCE TO BREATHE. AND DO NOTHING. AND BREATHE.
I don’t remember the last time I actually updated this thing - but recent events have me wanting to share a little bit more of my life than just Instagram pictures.
• I quit a job that I’ve been at for almost four years. It still makes me sad to think about leaving because I’ve built such amazing memories and relationships with my co-workers, but I wasn’t happy there anymore. I realized I was no longer being challenged in my position there. Going into work started becoming more of a chore and I dreaded the 40+ minute drive to get there. Although I had the option of moving up, fear of getting stuck at a place I’ve grown to dislike greatly finally made me wake the fuck up and take action. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye, but I know at the end of the day, it’s for the best. Bye retail!
• I also quit another job that I’ve been at for over five years. Again, I wasn’t feeling challenged in my position anymore. I didn’t exactly dread going into work, but the thought of it didn’t excite me, either. When you’re at one place for as long as I was, you begin to form a habits to make your job easier. Little things to help you along the way, little things that become so routine that you could probably do it with your eyes closed in a dark room. After five years, I had outgrown that routine and I found myself craving more. I just needed a change of pace. I’m so thankful for the Morin family and the beautiful staff I’ve grown to care about so much. It was an incredible experience to be able to work for a family-owned business and to be able to “learn the ropes” in a way that wasn’t forced or robotic. I was accepted into that family with open, loving arms, and I will be forever grateful for that.
• I’m done with college. No more sitting in hot classrooms. No more eating mediocre pizza in the cafe. No more stupid advisory meetings that I never even needed. DONE. Well, I still need to wait until May for my commencement ceremony, but, yeah. I’m done. I even have an incredibly detailed document listing all of my student loan services, how much I owe each one, and when my repayment starts. Hello, “Adult” life. My planner and I are ready for you.
• I have a new car! A reliable car and one that I feel safe in. Anyone who has ever ridden in my old Acura knows how badly I needed this. No more loud, annoying noises coming from every which way. No more violent shaking as soon as I hit anything past 50 MPH. No more breaking down on the highway and crying endlessly while waiting for a tow-truck. Did I mention this new car is actually in MY name AND that I have my own insurance?
Suffice it to say that 2014 is looking quite promising. New challenges, new beginnings, new opportunities. I’m slowly learning to let go of the things I’ve held on to for so long. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that something you care about is no longer benefiting you, but I’m getting there. I’m happy to say that I’m finally taking steps in the right direction and working toward making my life more fulfilling.